Attitude

        Almost time to head to bed.  Back to the grind tomorrow.  I have come to love my three day weekends though. I didn't spend the time I should have studying but I did spend time with Randy and the kids so it was nice.  The kids and I got up and got all their school work done this morning.  Then we went to meet Mandi and the kids at Baker Lake for lunch and fun.  It is so refreshing to just take a break from out busy schedules and visit with a sister in Christ.  I think the thing that makes it even better is I feel like I can be completely honest and real with Mandi and it isn't going to scare her away.
       This weekend has been full of  prayer, thinking and prioritizing.  As I mentioned, Friday night was a turning point for me spiritually.  I feel like God is tying to chip away the the crud that has been building up, and while it isn't exactly easy, it is relieving.  It is great to feel the burden that the crud of life carries being chipped away.  I have thought a lot about how I have let stuff slowly creep up and become a barrier between me and Christ.  It happens so easily, without me even noticing really but then it is so hard to clear away.  It shouldn't be hard.  I know I need to lay it down and just let go of it.  I guess the part that makes it hard is knowing that I should have known better than to let it get to this point in the first place.  Also, that voice that is in the background saying, "Are you really going to ask for forgiveness for this AGAIN???  How many times do you think He is going to forgive you?"  I know where that is coming from and to that I will say, " Back of Satan.....my God is bigger than anything you can say or do.  You have NO power over me."
        I took some time earlier this evening to work on my Sunday school book.  This week happens to be on patience and today specifically was how our attitude effects patience.  The scripture this was based on is 1 Thessalonians 5:15, and 2 Peter 3:8-9. At first, I am thinking, OK, I will do okay with this, after all, I am always the one people say is the most patient.  But then.....chip, chip, chip. The lesson discussed the first requirement for patience is love.  When we chose to love a person, truly love as Jesus loves, we will develop patience concerning them.  Secondly, acceptance of others when they may not do things the way we think it should be done.  When our impatience is expressed through condemnation we are causing more harm.  For example, when we become impatient and lose our temper over something simple, the words or actions that come "in the heat" cause more damage the whatever started the reaction to begin with.   I realized how often I am not patient, (mostly with my kids).  I started thinking about how I have gone backwards in the area of patience and was trying to think of reasons....or rather something to blame it on.  Yes, I was looking for an excuse.    I am broken thinking about how often in the past months I have reacted too harshly because something wasn't done exactly to my expectations and how I have said things that would have been better left unsaid.  My heart breaks thinking about how hurtful my impatience has been to my children's spirits and oh how I wish I could erase that nastiness.    
          As I continued on in my quiet time, I read a little devotional that we were given in the church bulletin to help us prepare for the upcoming revival.  Well, it just so happens the focus this week is on the attitude of our heart. Coincidence?  I think not.  The first scripture was about pride.  (Psalm 51:17 and 1 Peter 5:5) Hmmmmmmm, that's never an easy one but it is an area I have chosen to overlook quite often. I mean, I don't see myself as being prideful.  I don't have the best of everything, I don't live up to the world's standard, I don't brag about what I have so I am doing OK, right?  WRONG.   It went on to talk about spiritual complacency is such a huge issue when it comes to pride.  I guess I never really took the time to  meditate on this but I have to be honest and admit, I am one of the worst about thinking, I am doing pretty good, so that doesn't apply to me right now.  I am not doing anything terrible, I have no "big" sins.  But that in itself is one of the things that has gotten me to the point I am at right now.  It is so easy to notice the stick in another person's eye but ignore the log in my own.  I felt God nudging me tonight, saying, "I am talking to YOU, Chandra.  YES, you. "  It became clear to me that I have let pride get in the way and let it become a barrier. 

      I continued on to read the entire book of 2 Peter.  There were several verses that stood out to me in that reading but one in particular was 2 Peter 2: 20-22 and 2 Peter 3:18  But Grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  To Him be glory both now and forever!
     Tonight my prayer is that God will continue to reveal to me the crud that is in my heart. It hurts, but I know through my brokenness, God can create something beautiful.  I want my life to glorify Him and I know the only way is for Him to chip away.  I am praying for forgiveness for the pride I have held onto and for the negative way that has influence my actions and my words.