Attitude

        Almost time to head to bed.  Back to the grind tomorrow.  I have come to love my three day weekends though. I didn't spend the time I should have studying but I did spend time with Randy and the kids so it was nice.  The kids and I got up and got all their school work done this morning.  Then we went to meet Mandi and the kids at Baker Lake for lunch and fun.  It is so refreshing to just take a break from out busy schedules and visit with a sister in Christ.  I think the thing that makes it even better is I feel like I can be completely honest and real with Mandi and it isn't going to scare her away.
       This weekend has been full of  prayer, thinking and prioritizing.  As I mentioned, Friday night was a turning point for me spiritually.  I feel like God is tying to chip away the the crud that has been building up, and while it isn't exactly easy, it is relieving.  It is great to feel the burden that the crud of life carries being chipped away.  I have thought a lot about how I have let stuff slowly creep up and become a barrier between me and Christ.  It happens so easily, without me even noticing really but then it is so hard to clear away.  It shouldn't be hard.  I know I need to lay it down and just let go of it.  I guess the part that makes it hard is knowing that I should have known better than to let it get to this point in the first place.  Also, that voice that is in the background saying, "Are you really going to ask for forgiveness for this AGAIN???  How many times do you think He is going to forgive you?"  I know where that is coming from and to that I will say, " Back of Satan.....my God is bigger than anything you can say or do.  You have NO power over me."
        I took some time earlier this evening to work on my Sunday school book.  This week happens to be on patience and today specifically was how our attitude effects patience.  The scripture this was based on is 1 Thessalonians 5:15, and 2 Peter 3:8-9. At first, I am thinking, OK, I will do okay with this, after all, I am always the one people say is the most patient.  But then.....chip, chip, chip. The lesson discussed the first requirement for patience is love.  When we chose to love a person, truly love as Jesus loves, we will develop patience concerning them.  Secondly, acceptance of others when they may not do things the way we think it should be done.  When our impatience is expressed through condemnation we are causing more harm.  For example, when we become impatient and lose our temper over something simple, the words or actions that come "in the heat" cause more damage the whatever started the reaction to begin with.   I realized how often I am not patient, (mostly with my kids).  I started thinking about how I have gone backwards in the area of patience and was trying to think of reasons....or rather something to blame it on.  Yes, I was looking for an excuse.    I am broken thinking about how often in the past months I have reacted too harshly because something wasn't done exactly to my expectations and how I have said things that would have been better left unsaid.  My heart breaks thinking about how hurtful my impatience has been to my children's spirits and oh how I wish I could erase that nastiness.    
          As I continued on in my quiet time, I read a little devotional that we were given in the church bulletin to help us prepare for the upcoming revival.  Well, it just so happens the focus this week is on the attitude of our heart. Coincidence?  I think not.  The first scripture was about pride.  (Psalm 51:17 and 1 Peter 5:5) Hmmmmmmm, that's never an easy one but it is an area I have chosen to overlook quite often. I mean, I don't see myself as being prideful.  I don't have the best of everything, I don't live up to the world's standard, I don't brag about what I have so I am doing OK, right?  WRONG.   It went on to talk about spiritual complacency is such a huge issue when it comes to pride.  I guess I never really took the time to  meditate on this but I have to be honest and admit, I am one of the worst about thinking, I am doing pretty good, so that doesn't apply to me right now.  I am not doing anything terrible, I have no "big" sins.  But that in itself is one of the things that has gotten me to the point I am at right now.  It is so easy to notice the stick in another person's eye but ignore the log in my own.  I felt God nudging me tonight, saying, "I am talking to YOU, Chandra.  YES, you. "  It became clear to me that I have let pride get in the way and let it become a barrier. 

      I continued on to read the entire book of 2 Peter.  There were several verses that stood out to me in that reading but one in particular was 2 Peter 2: 20-22 and 2 Peter 3:18  But Grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  To Him be glory both now and forever!
     Tonight my prayer is that God will continue to reveal to me the crud that is in my heart. It hurts, but I know through my brokenness, God can create something beautiful.  I want my life to glorify Him and I know the only way is for Him to chip away.  I am praying for forgiveness for the pride I have held onto and for the negative way that has influence my actions and my words. 

A Week Already??

Man, time just flies by so fast!  It has already been a week since my last post.  It was a decent week I guess, nothing really exciting.  I went to class on Tuesday and Wednesday and clinicals on Thursday and Friday.  Clinicals went well.  I really enjoyed my off unit experience on Friday.  It was refreshing to be working along side a nurse and not being worried about having an instructor looking over my shoulder or having a bunch of paperwork to complete.  I was able to do use some skills I haven't used before and really enjoy working with the patients without the stress of the normal clinical days.  It made me excited again and also motivated me to make it until August.  It also made me think about how clinicals are and that it would be so much nicer if everyday was like Friday.  I think we would learn so much more from an experience like that than we do when we are all stressing over getting all the paperwork completed and not able to really focus on what we are doing as far as patient care.  Anyway, that is enough about that.

Friday night was kind of an eye opener/ slap in the face kind of night.  Randy was at work and I was up late working on my paper and having a normal late night chat with Aaron on Facebook.  I was a little preoccupied with my paper but I guess there was more going on with me than I was admitting to.  I was having some ill feelings about a situation and I was letting it get the best of me.  I was talking to Aaron about it and he stopped me in my tracks!  He told me he didn't want to continue that conversation and that he could sense in my attitude that my spirit was low.  Ummmm, WOW!  That isn't something that is easy to hear, especially from my son.  I mean, isn't it supposed to be the other way around?  Isn't it supposed to be me saying things like that to him?  I guess not.  God used Aaron Friday night to give me a reality check.  I have known for a while now that I was in a valley but yet, I chose not to do anything about it.  I have been going day to day, pretending it was all OK.  Yes, I said I would get back on track, I said I was going to start having my quiet time, I said I was going to get my priorities in order.....but I didn't.  I just ignored it all and acted like I was fine.  I haven't been.  Not even close.  I guess I wasn't hiding it as well as I thought I was.  It really got my attention though and I am ready to turn it over.  I have spent a lot of time this weekend thinking about where I have been spiritually and where I need to be.  One thing that has compounded the problem is that I haven't been in church nearly like I was.  I have been very involved in the youth group for the past few years and since starting school, I haven't been able to do that.  Now I feel out of the loop and like I am an outsider, and that hurts.  I love working with the youth and I miss being able to do that.  I guess in a way I have been feeling resentful that school has taken away so many things that I love.  Besides not being involved with the youth, I haven't been going to church on Sundays regularly and when I have gone, I was just there physically and I for sure wasn't going to Sunday school.  It has become so easy to just use "school" as my excuse for everything.......my mood, my laziness, my lack of motivation, basically....my sorriness!  It is time for that to stop.  It is time for me to get my act together and get things right again.
It's a new week and a new beginning.......I am not even going to say a new week....it's a new day!  I am going to do this day by day.  I went to church today and was so blessed just by being there.  I sat alone and just focused on God during the worship time.  I closed my eyes and sang praises to Him as though nobody else was around.  The service was great.  Then, instead of leaving like I have been doing, I stayed and went to Sunday School.  A new class started today so I went to that class and I really enjoyed it.  I don't know for sure if this is the class I will stay in but I am going to give it some time and see how God leads me.  It felt so good to be back in a small group though.  It felt good to be in church.  I have been thinking today how awesome God is.  No matter how "ugly"  my life is, God is ALWAYS faithful and is ALWAYS waiting right there for me to come back to Him.  I am so thankful that while we change, God NEVER does.  He is always the same no matter where we are or what we are doing, He is right there and is ready to catch us when we fall.  As crazy as this sounds, sometimes it is so good to be broken.  I needed the reality check Aaron gave me Friday night.  I needed the time this weekend to really think about how I have been acting.  I needed the time in worship and prayer at church this morning and now I am feeling renewed.  I am looking forward to a new day, a day given to me as a precious gift from my Lord.  I am going to make the most of it and praise Him in all that I do. 

Sunday

Such an exciting day....not really.  I have spent most of the day working on a couple take home drug tests.  I should have spent some time studying but I think that will consume my day tomorrow.  Let's see, what should I talk about.  Several times in the past few days I have thought, "Oh, I should blog about that" but I haven't done it so this is going to be just a bunch of randomness I think. 

First of all, I have been delaying starting an official spelling book with Ian until he gained more of a foundation with the basic phonics.  This past week he came across his spelling book and wanted to start so I agreed to let him.  He was overjoyed to be able to write his word list in a notebook instead of doing his work in a "workbook".  The first day he just copied the word list but he did a great job and his handwriting was really neat.  The next couple days he practiced the words and did a couple of the little exercises in the book.  Thursday night he did his first official spelling test and he made a 100%.  He was so proud of himself and I was proud of him too.  Now he says he can't wait to get to the big words!  He has also made some progress in his math.  Math has been his stronger skill so far but he is starting to transition from using his fingers or pictures to add to using the counting on technique. 

Momo is also doing well with her lessons.  She has been working on geometry in math and has had fun with that.  She got to practice using a compass recently and has been learning about circles, diameters, radius' and circumference.  She also learned how to calculate the circumference using PI.  She thought it was funny that Ian's birthday is on PI day ~ 3-14.

Kristen is working through her lessons too.  She likes to do several lessons in one subject and then the next day do several lessons in another one.  That works for me, as long as she is getting it all done.  She is such a big help to me around the house though.  I couldn't do what I am doing as far as nursing school without her help.  She keeps things together while I am away at class and clinicals.  She is counting down the days until she can get her learner's licence now.  I am not so sure I am nearly excited as she is about that. 

Aaron is still doing well at Global.  They are back on campus but haven't started back to their classes yet.  They have been doing their intern work and daily jobs on campus.  Aaron is also working with several bands within the group and helping with practices and the organization for them. 

One last thing.  I have a praise!  Randy was called for an interview this week.  This job will be a little closer to home and while it will still be shift work, it will be rotating shifts.  Please continue to pray with me that the interview goes well and God's will, will be done.  Also, the decision I posted about the other night was about a job possibility for me.  I submitted my resume tonight so please continue to pray for that situation as well.  I think it could work out to be a good thing and I am excited about it.

That's all for tonight, time to go snuggle with Randy and Ian, the girls are both at friend's for the night so it is just the three of us.....well, Grandpa and the dogs too! 

Sweet dreams!

A Decision to Make

I am heading to bed so I can be up at 4am to start my first day at the hospital for clinical rotations.  I was made aware of an opportunity today that I believe may be a good thing.  I can't go into much detail right now until I gather a little more information. I am going to spend some time in prayer seeking guidance and I would like to ask anyone reading this to please pray that I will be able to determine God's will and make the right decision.  Thanks for praying.  Sweet dreams.

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep....

but first I want to post a quick blog.   Yes, I know I am cheesy!  I have had intentions all day to get on here but the time just slipped away.  I am not complaining, it was a good day.  The kids and I worked on their lessons this morning for a bit.  Then we left to meet up with Mandi and the kids at the park.  I am enjoying this new plan we have to meet each week.  The kids have fun and it is so refreshing to me to take a bit of time to visit with a dear friend.  She is such an inspiration to me.  I am so thankful that God brought our lives together.  After a picnic, PB&J lunch, playing at the playground and feeding ducks, Mandi headed home while Kristen, Ian and I walked around the lake.  Momo didn't want to walk but she did finally join us about 3/4 of the way around.  On the way home we stopped at the BOE to pick up some attendance forms and visit with Aunt Kay.  Once we were home, Ian finished up his phonics and reading.  I had a youth committee meeting tonight that I was actually able to attend.  ( I haven't been able to go regularly due to studying.) The least fun part of the day was the email I received from my instructor with a list of 149 drugs to know for a test on Wed.  Thankfully, several of us in the class worked together to get them done.  Kristen was my helper tonight looking up my share of the drugs!  That made it fun and helped me get done quicker.  Randy left for work.  I really hate that he has to work nights now.  I am about to head to bed so I can get up in the morning. 

Before I leave though, I wanted to mention something I am feeling convicted about.  I was doing well with having a regular quiet time/prayer time.  I am still praying constantly.  That is what I use my time driving to school in the mornings for.  I have my own personal worship and prayer time.  I just feel like I need to make my Bible study more of a priority.  It isn't that I don't see it as a priority it's the fact that I am not dividing my time well between studying and Bible study.  I know I need to make adjustments to put my quiet time ahead of everything else.  I also know that everything else will be better when I am connected to my Lord.  It is just such a battle to discipline myself to do this.  I plan to write more about this later but for now ....as always....I am out of time and I need to get to bed. 

Trying To Get Back Into The Swing of Things

Well, the first week, rather partial week is over.  My break went way too fast but I guess I shouldn't complain because I did enjoy it.  Randy went back to work Tuesday night.  They have changed his schedule to nights and we are not liking it much at all.  He feels like a zombie, I don't like him being gone at night. I don't sleep well without him here.  I am thankful he has a job but I am also praying for something else to come available for him.  I started back to classes Thursday.  It was very difficult to get up and go at 5am after laying in bed awake until about 2am.  If that wasn't enough, we were scheduled to begin class at 8am with drug calculations test that we have to make a 90% or better on in order to continue.  We have 3 tries but I am so happy that I was able to get above 90% the first time.  The first couple days of class were a little chaotic but we survived.  We did check offs on IV insertion and went over paperwork.  One nice thing about this semester is we will not have class on Monday so I will be home a little more than last semester.  I am also looking forward to beginning our clinical rotations at the hospital on Thursday. 
     The kids started back with their schoolwork Thursday as well.  I didn't have myself together enough so it was not as successful as I would have like.  Kristen did a good bit and Momo did some of hers.  We will get on track Monday though.  I am going to spend some time today working on that and getting our school room back in shape.  It is in turmoil at the moment since it has become more of the throw everything in there and close the door room.  I will remedy that today though.
    I am determined to take time to enjoy life this semester.  This past semester was so stressful and I feel like I did not treat my family like I should be.  I also did not take time for myself.  I am planning to get more exercise and spend time doing something I enjoy each day and also spend time with Randy and the kids.  So far, I have done alright with this.  I know I can always improve but I have made an attempt to spend time with Randy whenever I can....nothing big but just things like not being on the computer as much and sitting with him on the couch and taking more time to snuggle!!  I am also trying to do things with the kids as well.  I am crocheting a blanket and I am trying to take at least a few minutes each day to work on that.  I think all of this will actually help me focus when I need to study.  As far as trying to get more exercise, I met a friend and her kids at a local park and we walked and let the kids play on Wednesday.  We have made plans to make this a regular thing on Mondays when I don't have class.  We also talked about me stopping by her house in the afternoons on Tuesdays and Wednesdays on my way home from class so we can walk.  I am planning to walk at home more and also do some bike riding. 
     Well, I guess I should get up and moving if I want to accomplish anything today.  I am off to start some laundry, load the dishwasher and tackle the school room.  After that, I am thinking about baking some bread today maybe and going for a bike ride or a walk.  When Randy wakes up, I will probably hang out with him while I crochet some. 

A New Year, A New Beginning

Hello world!  It's me again.  I am not promising anything spectacular with this blog as I have come to the realization I am not the best blogger. However, I do on occasion have the urge to share a thought or two.  I have attempted to have a strictly homeschooling blog and also personal blogs but I just can't seem to keep it up.  I am trying something new.  This blog may include a little of this, a little of that and probably a whole lot of crazy!  I plan to share about being a wife and mama, my spiritual life, my life as a nursing student, homeschooling, crafts, pets, or really anything that may seem worthy of writing about at any given time.  I may post pictures but not like I used to (mainly because it is just a pain to upload pics).  I may post well thought out, detailed entries or possibly just a simple thought.  My life is full and I go in a lot of different directions but when it all boils down, it is all a part of who I am and I wouldn't want it any other way.