A Week Already??

Man, time just flies by so fast!  It has already been a week since my last post.  It was a decent week I guess, nothing really exciting.  I went to class on Tuesday and Wednesday and clinicals on Thursday and Friday.  Clinicals went well.  I really enjoyed my off unit experience on Friday.  It was refreshing to be working along side a nurse and not being worried about having an instructor looking over my shoulder or having a bunch of paperwork to complete.  I was able to do use some skills I haven't used before and really enjoy working with the patients without the stress of the normal clinical days.  It made me excited again and also motivated me to make it until August.  It also made me think about how clinicals are and that it would be so much nicer if everyday was like Friday.  I think we would learn so much more from an experience like that than we do when we are all stressing over getting all the paperwork completed and not able to really focus on what we are doing as far as patient care.  Anyway, that is enough about that.

Friday night was kind of an eye opener/ slap in the face kind of night.  Randy was at work and I was up late working on my paper and having a normal late night chat with Aaron on Facebook.  I was a little preoccupied with my paper but I guess there was more going on with me than I was admitting to.  I was having some ill feelings about a situation and I was letting it get the best of me.  I was talking to Aaron about it and he stopped me in my tracks!  He told me he didn't want to continue that conversation and that he could sense in my attitude that my spirit was low.  Ummmm, WOW!  That isn't something that is easy to hear, especially from my son.  I mean, isn't it supposed to be the other way around?  Isn't it supposed to be me saying things like that to him?  I guess not.  God used Aaron Friday night to give me a reality check.  I have known for a while now that I was in a valley but yet, I chose not to do anything about it.  I have been going day to day, pretending it was all OK.  Yes, I said I would get back on track, I said I was going to start having my quiet time, I said I was going to get my priorities in order.....but I didn't.  I just ignored it all and acted like I was fine.  I haven't been.  Not even close.  I guess I wasn't hiding it as well as I thought I was.  It really got my attention though and I am ready to turn it over.  I have spent a lot of time this weekend thinking about where I have been spiritually and where I need to be.  One thing that has compounded the problem is that I haven't been in church nearly like I was.  I have been very involved in the youth group for the past few years and since starting school, I haven't been able to do that.  Now I feel out of the loop and like I am an outsider, and that hurts.  I love working with the youth and I miss being able to do that.  I guess in a way I have been feeling resentful that school has taken away so many things that I love.  Besides not being involved with the youth, I haven't been going to church on Sundays regularly and when I have gone, I was just there physically and I for sure wasn't going to Sunday school.  It has become so easy to just use "school" as my excuse for everything.......my mood, my laziness, my lack of motivation, basically....my sorriness!  It is time for that to stop.  It is time for me to get my act together and get things right again.
It's a new week and a new beginning.......I am not even going to say a new week....it's a new day!  I am going to do this day by day.  I went to church today and was so blessed just by being there.  I sat alone and just focused on God during the worship time.  I closed my eyes and sang praises to Him as though nobody else was around.  The service was great.  Then, instead of leaving like I have been doing, I stayed and went to Sunday School.  A new class started today so I went to that class and I really enjoyed it.  I don't know for sure if this is the class I will stay in but I am going to give it some time and see how God leads me.  It felt so good to be back in a small group though.  It felt good to be in church.  I have been thinking today how awesome God is.  No matter how "ugly"  my life is, God is ALWAYS faithful and is ALWAYS waiting right there for me to come back to Him.  I am so thankful that while we change, God NEVER does.  He is always the same no matter where we are or what we are doing, He is right there and is ready to catch us when we fall.  As crazy as this sounds, sometimes it is so good to be broken.  I needed the reality check Aaron gave me Friday night.  I needed the time this weekend to really think about how I have been acting.  I needed the time in worship and prayer at church this morning and now I am feeling renewed.  I am looking forward to a new day, a day given to me as a precious gift from my Lord.  I am going to make the most of it and praise Him in all that I do.